i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
