There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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