Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
