You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
