i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
