ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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