We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
