dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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