It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
