i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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