Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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