So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
