I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
