Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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