Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
and she was petting her beer can
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize