she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
pray to the hookup gods
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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