Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
