Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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