hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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