she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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