I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
