My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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