can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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