i think my tv is drunk
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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