After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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