she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
