Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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