this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
