wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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