Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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