look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
