I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
