I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
