the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
