There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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