Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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