Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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