I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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