Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
