I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
