i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
