yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
soo... how was my night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
