Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sobbing to NWA
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
