it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
