I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
