he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
