Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
