glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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