i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
