In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pants are for mortals
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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