he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
