Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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